A kiss on the cheek, a walk through the park, a rainy afternoon in sweats, a "thank you" followed by a nickname..

A few weeks back, I sat in the park with a dear friend and watched the stars. Very romantic, I must agree. Anyway, as we were sharing about the things that we had been learning in our lives, we began to discuss the concept of simplicity. Be simple. Less is more. What does this mean?

I will not even attempt to provide a definition for simplicity. Besides the fact that I am horrible with defining terms, my interpretation of simplicity will unlikely coincide with yours. Heck, you may disagree completely that less is really more. I mean, logically, less is, well, not as much as more right? Maybe this statement can be added to the list of paradoxes of life, right under the contradiction of altruism that defies all theories of social psychology as I recently learned in my "Social Animal" class. All I know is that once you learn to be content with exactly what you have at any given moment of your life, you may be able to grasp insight on what Paul means when he describes the "peace of God which trascends all understanding" (Philippians 4:7, NIV).

Prior to writing this entry, while browsing through my recently updated friends page on Facebook, I decided to ask myself what my current status was. As I sit in this coffee shop, as scrubby as ever, sipping on a Bellachino (Tully's version of a Frap), I ponder about finding joy in less.

A run through the sprinklers, a jump off the swings, keeping the relationships that matter and letting go of those that don't, getting rid of my 5th grade sweater that I swear I'd wear once the weather gets just right, eating my daddy's blandly cooked vegetables, smiling more, LOL for real, and understanding the most uncomplicated truth of all: I am loved and highly favored by the King of Kings and there is nothing in the world that can persuade Him to change His mind.

Status? Simply stated: at peace.

One of my favorite pastimes with Jesus is going for an evening jog around my neighborhood and on the way back, stopping by Baldwin Stocker Elementary School. My second semester of senior year in high school consisted of these dates a few times a week in which I would sit with Him in a special place on the playground set, go on the swings and pretend I was flying, and run around the lawn singing at the top of my lungs without a care. During the summer when it got hotter, I would run through the sprinklers and experience the thrill of having shockingly refreshing splats of water hit my face. Hopefully no one ever saw me because I would have looked like a completely insane little 17 year old girl, but I guess even if they did, I was having too much fun to let anyone get in the way.

Today, in Horticulture, my teacher goes off on a slight tangent and talks about sprinkler water. According to him, whenever we pass by them, we should hold our breaths and make no contact with the water whatsoever because it contains hazardous viruses and bacteria. If that's not disgusting enough, he also mentioned that high levels of estrogen are found in sprinkler water. The heck?! I know that males have estrogen, but whoever imagined H2O?! You shouldda seen my face when I heard that because right away, I nostalgically recalled those hot summer days when I ran through the hormone-dense water.

For a few seconds, I felt like a little kid who had her ice cream knocked on the ground by some careless stranger at the zoo.

Thank goodness God made me the type that would pick it up, make sure my mommy and daddy didn't see, and go right on eating that sucker.

Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal over your arm;
for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave.
it burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame.
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This week I've been in a constant battle of fighting away thoughts of insecurities, doubts, and worries in my mind. I've never realized that the fickleness of my heart can bring so much pain. Fickleness, not explicitly in terms of decisions that I need to make, but fickleness in really believing God's love and provision for my life. I want to believe, God, that You have the best plans for me, that You're taking care of me, that Your heart still burns for me and that You consider me lovely, no matter how much darkness I'm dabbling in.

How do we overcome these unbeliefs that we have? I don't think we're meant to keep fighting the battle of one minute having His peace and trusting Him completely, and the next, trying desperately, with all the willpower and strength we manage to muster, to fix the predicaments we've gotten ourselves into. God, You need to deal with my fickleness. The only solution I have is to ask You to root Your truth in my life. Every day, I need to soak in Your presence because the lies of the enemy seeps in so easily throughout the day and my heart grows so cold. I'm so exhausted from being tossed and turned in the wind.

Trudging through this week, unsure if I would get through, emotionally, physically, and spiritually, I'm reminded of, yet again, the weakness of my flesh and simultaneously, the beauty of grace. It's only through grace that I stand here, with arms high and heart abandoned. Yet again, yet again.

And it's only through grace that You stand there, waiting for me, with arms opened and a heart that's burning. Waiting. Yet again,  24 hours. Waiting for me to surrender to You all of my insufficiencies, my brokenness, and my unbelieving heart.
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...many waters cannot quench love.
-Song of Songs 8:6-7